Well-being

In our search to find well-being (the balance of compassion and thought) we discovered the magic of meditation, the wonderful benefits of prayer, and the healthy infusion of mind, body, and spirit through the consumption of tea.  Throughout these discoveries, we have come across various writings, videos, and artistic presentations which further this pursuit.  To be of further service to you, we have compiled an assortment of these works which you may find beneficial.   Please enjoy as we have.


 

5 Causes of Low Self-Esteem by Martin & cleverism.com

5 Causes of Low Self-Esteem and How to Fight Them

When you hear about self-esteem you would usually think about the unpleasant feeling of low self-worth and embarrassment in the moment.

However, low self-esteem could be considered one of the leading factors behind the risks you can afford taking, your attitude towards high-stake situations, the direction of your decision making, and, ultimately, how far you get in life. 

According to SimplyPsychology, ‘…people with high self-esteem focus on growth and improvement, whereas people with low self-esteem focus on not making mistakes in life.’ And the two attitudes have very different outcomes.

This article will give you a very practical approach towards eliminating some of the major sources of low self-esteem. The goal is give yourself the best chance to succeed in the challenges along your way and to learn to accept yourself for your faults.

THE 5 PHASES OF FIGHTING LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Identify

Just because you feel generally ‘down’ and you want to feel better, that does not mean you are ready to do something about it. You have to find the cause. And the cause could be sneaky.

Let’s say you are growing bald. It happens suddenly, and it is very visible at first sight what is affecting you. You know when it started and you know what is causing it.

However, low self-esteem might be stemming from a bad relationship or friendship, where the other person is putting you down, but is also manipulating you into you thinking they mean your best. Those reasons are trickier to uncover.

Write down a list of the times that you were feeling down and the thoughts that were running through your head. Find the original bad thought that put you in that state. Caution: The reasons might be multiple. 

Categorize

Once you have discovered the cause of your low self-esteem, put them in one of three categories:

  • Constants. The constants in your life are things you can’t change. For example if your low self-esteem is stemming from you being not-so-tall, you are probably not going to be able to change that. The strategy you need to employ here is acceptance, or looking at things from a different angle. Instead of trying to change the constant, change yourself, to where the constant is not bothering you so much.
  • Fluctuations. Those are situations where there is a combination of factors you can change and factors you can’t. If you sweat excessively for example, in most cases you will be able to improve your symptoms to where they are not a distraction in your everyday life, but you will always have to take excessive care of your personal hygiene, take pills, and/or spend a lot on medical-grade products.
  • Variables. If your low self-esteem is stemming from the fact you are not a very good conversationalist, or you are at a low point in your career, there are things you can do to completely eliminate that source of low self-esteem. 

Improve

This is the part of the process our article is concentrating on. You need to adopt the attitude that you owe it to yourself to research and never give up to always give yourself the best chance in life.

Identify your issues, work on the ones you can change, and accept the flaws you can’t to where they do not interfere with the rest of your life.

Adapt

Let’s go back to the example with the frenemy – the friend that is actually your enemy.

If they are causing your low self-esteem, naturally a part of your healing process will be to cut ties with such people. Unfortunately, in a lot of cases people attract similar types of friends around them – it is the principle of the key and the lock.

It is common in this situation that a person will suddenly be left with a lot less friends than they started out with. And that could, in turn, be its own source of self-esteem issues.

Now you will need a new strategy. Change the types of people you become friends with. Your old ways are no good.

Persevere

Once you figure out the issue is solved, the worst thing you can do is to just fall back to how you were.

It is important that you continue your efforts to improve your life.

In the example of the frenemy, you have to be careful that you don’t attract the same false friends in your efforts to not be alone. If your excessive weight was causing the issue, and you lost some of it, you need to continue with your efforts.

Remember. Maintenance and prevention is always easier than breaking the bad habit.

YOUR BODY

Your body is the home of your spirit. But it could also be the birthplace of many insecurities that poison your daily life.

Because it is the first thing that people see about your, the most obvious difference between you – it is easy to see the differences in the physical world, and not so easy to see the difference between the minds.

Please note that we are not saying that any of those issues should be a concern of yours, but here are some of the most common issues you could have with your body:

You carry extra weight

Some extra inches around your belly could really damage your self-worth. Luckily, it is one of the issues that can be fixed just by the power of an iron will. Caution – it is simple, but it is not easy.

The first thing to do is to cut back on sugars. Your appetite will immediately go down and you will crave much less food. With a limited amount of carbohydrates, your body will be feeding off of the fat. Low sugar lowers insulin levels which leads the kidneys to lose the excess water and sodium.

Concentrate on getting your protein, your fat sources and carbohydrates only in low-carb versions – particularly from vegetables. High protein diets will make you feel more full. Add more protein and you will feel it is way easier to stay off sugar.

Now, some gym talk. Visit around 3 times per week. Make sure you do some stretches before you start. Warm up your muscles for the workout. Try to include some weight lifting, instead of doing cardio only. It will do wonders for your shape, in addition to your weight and you will see results in the mirror faster.

Don’t overdo it. Concentrate on what works for you. Explore different options. Even if someone tells you their routine is doing wonders for them, if it doesn’t fit your needs or is not up to your liking, ditch it.

In the beginning, concentrate on persistence rather than a particular type of exercise. Once you get results, track them. Try to push yourself towards achieving your end goal.

You sweat

BO could take a real hit on your self image. Heavy sweating could be a sign of a medical condition. Hyperhidrosis, as it is also called, can be a symptom of a thyroid disease, diabetes or bacterial infection. Excessive weight is a contributing factor. 

If the temperature is not high and you are not exercising, you should not be sweating profusely. This is when you know you have an issue.

What can you do?

  • Deodorants/Antiperspirants. If the generic products do not work for you, look for medical grade products.
  • Iontophoresis. Low-level electrical impulses will temporarily incapacitate your sweat glands.
  • Medications. Ask your doctor for prescription and additional advice if you have to. 
  • Botox. Botox can briefly stop the nervous system from triggering excessive sweating.
  • Surgery. A doctor can cut a nerve in the chest that causes the sweating or they could as far as removing some of the sweat glands.

You are not the right height

Shorter people often suffer from lower self-esteem. The teen years are usually the hardest part in such cases. Shorter people have a more difficult time establishing themselves as the authority, and in their relationships. 

However, you should not underestimate other factors – if your friends and family never make fun you for your height, you are more likely to develop high self esteem. The environment has an important role in determining how one perceives themselves.

Surround yourself with people who treat you nice for who you are and do not accept jokes you are not okay with.

You dislike your features

Feeling ugly can be devastating to you, as this Cosmopolitan article tells us.

Disliking our features could be detrimental to our confidence, especially during our teen years.

This YouTube video outlines how young girls, in particular, feel confused about the way they look and seek validation from the internet. Seeing so many changes day after day, being told by their mothers and fathers they are beautiful, and by bullies at school – that they are ugly.

In this day and age the question of cosmetic surgery will always come up in your mind. However, before you take any drastic measures, make sure you have considered all pros and cons.

You are losing your hair

Hair loss is a common problem amongst men. Men do tie having a full head of hair to sex appeal. Even though only 13% have reported to have been very upset when their man lost their hair. In contrast, a full 52% think women would largely find bald men to be unattractive.

Apparently what actually matters is confidence. If your confidence is diminished as a result of going bald, you will only make the problem worse.

It is particularly devastating when it happens to women.

You will find a lot of procedures can be done to try and remedy the root of the issue or hide the symptoms. The truth is nothing is proven to work.

The best thing you can do is you can try to untie your confidence from your hair. Talk to people. Read about how others dealt with the issue.

You are getting old

Women feel ‘invisible’ by the age of 51: Confidence plummets after hitting 50, the Daily Mail reports.

‘Only 15 per cent of those over 45 declared themselves as having high or very high confidence while nearly half described themselves as not very confident at all… Six in ten felt modern life was geared towards younger women while 46 per cent believed that the problems faced by older women – such as the menopause, weren’t spoken about.’

Here are some things you can do to fight this feeling:

  1. Self-esteem could actually increase as you age – you are smarter and more experienced now. You can be more assertive.
  2. Sixty is the new forty! Some of our low confidence as we get old could be tied to us comparing ourselves to our parents at that age, but times have changed!
  3. Focus more on what is truly important. At a young age you have so much choice in front of you. But it also leads to a lot of confusion. Now you know who you are and what you want. Do it!

YOUR JOB

Roughly, we spend one third of our lives working. Your relationships at the office, your status, your opinion of your job can have a huge impact on the way you feel about yourself.

You do not have a career

You are college-educated, and yet, you could never find a well paid job in your field. It is the curse of a generation. It is a huge problem. Yet, society tells people working in the service industry derogatory jokes, people who work low-level, low-paid jobs are being ostracized and told they are to be blamed for their state of affairs.

First, remember that you don’t have to always comply to society’s expectations, especially if you are happy with your job. Second, and only if you are not so happy, we advise you to do some research and look for the advice of career specialists. It is never too late to make a change.

Passed over for promotion

Redirect your negative emotions into positive efforts. Consider if it is maybe too early to despair. Do you have a future in the company? Decide where you should objectively draw the line.

Be proactive and seek direct feedback from your supervisor. Take it as a serious learning opportunity – learn what you are doing wrong. The answer may surprise you.

Plan carefully for your next step. What and when do you want to achieve from your job? Who is the decision maker? What is their vision of the situation? What are their condition? Is it something you can afford waiting for?

You are underpaid

Men are more likely than women to associate their self worth with the money they earn. And women are more likely to be underpaid because of their reluctance to negotiate for a higher salary.

Deal with this issue in three steps.

First, do your research. How much are you worth in your company? What about other companies? Second – who is deciding on your salary? Are they happy with your work? Third, plan carefully how and when to raise the question. Give yourself the best chance. 

You are underappreciated

Work on getting yourself out of your comfort zone. Speak to your colleagues and customer more often. Write down a list of achievements no one gave you credit for. Make sure you raise the question during your next evaluation.

YOUR MONEY

The thickness of your wallet may be tied to your self-worth.

You are not your money

In some cases such world view could be justified. If you are a an associate at a law-firm for example, your earnings will be very closely tied to your worth as a lawyer.

If you are an IT specialist though, you should not be comparing yourself to the celebrities on TV. It is a question of attitude, and your attitude will usually be closely tied to your ability to spend on products and services that are worth it, and on your ability to save money. For those points, direct your attention below.

Be realistic

If you have unrealistic expectations you will never feel good in your skin. Make a mental exercise to always work on your best chances but not to have top expectations.

Make a plan

Consult a financial specialist. Disclose the amount of steady income you are getting and your goals for the close or mid-term future. Maybe you want to get married? Have children? Retire?

Ask your consultant about a percentage of your income they advise you to spend on necessities, luxury items, fun and… how much they advise you to save.

Remember. You don’t solve money problems with money.

Make amendments

No plan is a good plan if it is not flexible. If your income changes for the worse or the better you need to adjust your financial plan accordingly.

Make investments

You do not necessarily need to make financial investments. What we mean by that is to consider every purchase to be an investment. Always think of the ‘return’ value. That way you will never spend money on junk.

YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

As we discussed earlier in the article, a bad relationship has various ways of being toxic to your self worth. People are weird creatures. To no fault if your own you could be sucked in an unhealthy relationship – friendly or romantic – with an equally unhealthy person who can only feel good about themselves if they put other people down.

Here are some helpful tips how to avoid that.

Make friends with the right people

Step number one is to be cautious about people who you let in your life. Be wary of people who:

  • want to become too close too fast
  • joke about your insecurities and laugh it off then garnish the insult with a compliment too little too late
  • gossip
  • have too many insincere friendships
  • have too little friends even though they seem social

Lose friends when they are toxic

Step number two is to not be shy to let people go during the first signs of them being unhealthy for you.

It is better to have no friends than to hold onto a toxic relationship.

Nourish relationships

Hold on to your good friendships:

  • Be grateful when someone does something for you
  • Be conscious of people in your life that make you feel the best about yourself – ask them how you can help make their life better
  • Be the friend you want to have. Do not neglect your relationships.

YOUR INTELLECT

If your self image could be affected a lot by the way you look, that is because your appearance leaves the first impression to people you meet.

And the most lasting impression is affected by your smarts. Therefore if you don’t feel you come off as intelligent, it could be equally as damaging to your self esteem.

Here are some tips how to come across as smarter, fast:

Learn new things

Your first task is to get hold of the news. Make sure you read about the most pressing local and international events every morning.

This simple habit will immediately open access for you in office conversations. Several months in, you will be able to become the centre of attention. You will have informed opinions and even a witty joke or two.

Master small talk

The key to small talk is to talk about things that don’t matter, as if they do. Talk about the weather, sports or… the news… and be engaging. Ask little questions here and there.

‘Hey, who are you rooting for at the game tonight?’, ‘Hey, how long do you think it will take them to finish the reconstruction on the 8th?’.

Accept yourself

You can master small talk, get on the topics of the day, and use little tips and tricks like that.

But let’s be completely honest – you will probably not go back to college, you will probably not increase your IQ.

There will always be someone around who is smart and dashing and witty. You are good enough. Just give it your best and relax. 

CONCLUSION

Your self-image could be affected in various stages of your life by various factors. And you may or may not be able to do anything about it.

Sometimes it will be up to you, sometimes it will be completely out of your hands.

Whenever you head for raising your self-esteem, you need to work in two directions in parallel. First, do your best to change the things you can change.

And second, accept yourself, love yourself. Know that you are enough the way you are.

Your goal should be to become the best version of yourself. Someone you can be proud of.

Make sure you put your best foot forward and be happy.

Please follow and like us:
error

Somatic Breath-Work by Stacy Matulis & udaya.com

Stacy Matulis Somatic Breath-work Healing Blog

SOMATIC BREATH-WORK HEALING: WHAT IS THAT MAGIC?

In my 15 years as a healing artist, I have time and again contemplated, studied, interviewed, and paid attention to the ‘why’ in regards to who heals and who does not. Another way to call that is who finds the joy of authentic Self-expression and who does not.

The answer that I’ve come to is energy in the present time. We must have our energy with us and available to make new habits and patterns and to release old beliefs and create new ones. This might sound like an esoteric answer, but it’s actually physiological and scientific.

Psychological theorists agree that within the first seven years of our life, the majority of our primary belief systems are formed. They stay like this, attuned to and informed by the environment a person was raised in until the belief system is changed.  A belief system is formed through repetition of actions by our primary caregivers, and the institutions and cultures we live in. They are not formed by something that happened once, but by repetitive action, they form a groove in our synapses.

For example, if your mother had unprocessed sadness so your sadness as a child was triggering for her so she turned away or went further from you when you cried, you would form a belief system that your sadness pushes others away. The way you responded to that belief as a child would continue to recreate itself in your mind and body each time you felt sad. You might decide unconsciously to just not feel sad, so when sad comes in, you immediately check out from it. This, in time, creates a shutting and a resulting numbness in a person that actually manifests in their brain and body. In the brain, a neural programming happens that avoids pain. In the body, perhaps you shrug your shoulders forward, slump your lower back, jut your head forward, and furrow your brow to assist in shutting down the centers of the emotion. In doing this you invest your energy in shutting yourself down, and you freeze your energetic currency a little bit at a time. This energy is in essence frozen down the timeline of your life, at each time you chose (unconsciously) again to shut yourself down. This actually creates tread in your soma or the nervous system aspect of your muscles and tissue.

Those of us with chronic pain or illness should have their attention piqued at this conversation. The perpetuation of this emotional pattern, which creates into a physical pattern, underlies most of our aches, pains, injuries, and illnesses. One simple example is when a person drops their head forward and shrugs their shoulders enough times, they form a collapse in the chest, and a roundness in the back of their shoulders, rib cage, and heart. This can trap nerves down the front of the clavicle, and overstretch the back body, causing shoulder and neck pain and injuries. This is one way of creating a very, very common chronic injury. Right now, check yourself, are you holding yourself in the posture I described or something similar? If so, why? Is there actually any reason in the present moment? If so, does it merit the amount of holding into that posture? Can you undo the posture? You can pay attention to any misalignment or tension in this way.

So much of healing has to do with changing these belief systems into more loving ones, and therefore resurrecting energy and also not recreating the blockage into the future. This is a goal at the heart of so many healing modalities from therapy, to Reiki and energy work, to even massage and physical therapy. It’s not accurate self-care to not allow sad to be sad and to shut down our energetic centers. That creates anxiety, depression, and is underlying many of today’s modern illnesses. We must transform them at the root to ones based in the present time that doesn’t include shutting down to natural feeling such as sad or mad, etc.

As a clinician, I’ve watched person after person be stuck in layer after layer of these patterns. And not only just stuck, lost amongst. At a certain point as a practitioner, I began to feel healing could go a lot faster than the slow trudge through belief systems. That’s where Somatic Breath-work Healing comes in.

Somatic Breath-work Healing (SBH) utilizes a two-part pranayama (breathing practice) to bring the nervous system into an altered state of consciousness. From this state, frozen or stuck energies and emotions thaw and come into play. Simultaneously, the breather is able to witness the places that have become frozen, allowing the Unconscious to let go of unhelpful gripping, bringing energy into the present time. The ability to be in witness is reinforced through Somatic practices prior to the breathe, and also supported through the witness of the facilitator holding the space. In the field of therapeutic trauma relief, it is understood that in many cases of trauma, another person is required to be grounding the space through witness, to allow the body and mind to let go of the frozen fear response. This effect is created in the room with SBH by way of the practitioner holding witness. This same effect is created for unnoticed and stuck hurts and pains.

I’ve found that the altered state induced by the breath-work practice actually creates an available neurology or neuroplasticity that works similar to hypnotherapy, but with an additional element of a body activation that allows patterns to be released in the brain, the subconscious, and the body. Each session is created around a specific layer of healing with Somatic timeline presence-ing or healthy belief system messages offered throughout the session that creates a transformation of belief system and a release of patterns at a limbic system level. This can be used systematically for certain illnesses, traumas, blocks, and also of Ceremony, ritual, empowerments, and Rites of Passage.

I watch group sessions and private sessions support people into a rapid transformation into a feeling of relief, ease, inspiration, and energy. It feels incredibly mystical, which it is. And this is an explanation of the science behind it which is also true. As a person who worked hard and in the dark for over a decade to affect healing in my own body and life, I absolutely rejoice at the brilliance and expedited nature of this system. The response I get from people is an overwhelming delight and being awestruck at the revelation of connection with Self and power, and a release of aches, pains, ailments, and mal-adaptive life patterns. To be in connection with Self is to be in connection with the inspiration, direction, and power that is your unique signature that you bring on to the planet. To live as an expression of Self in purpose shared with the population creates a deep sense of fulfillment that in the yogic texts is described as bliss. Call me an evangelist, I want this freedom for absolutely everyone.

Stacy Matulis holds her Masters in Depth and Clinical Psychology, a degree in Holistic Nutrition, and is a certified Theta Healer and Bodyworker. She practices Somatic and Archetypal Healing, Bodywork, and offers private and group Somatic Breath-work Healing in South Pasadena, CA and via Skype worldwide.

website: beencaughthealing.com

email: beencaughthealing@gmail.com

instagram: @beencaughthealing

 

Please follow and like us:
error